Talking to kids about therapy doesn’t have to be scary or complicated, and with the right approach, it can actually be an empowering experience that teaches them important lessons about taking care of their mental health.
Starting with Your Own Feelings
Before you sit down with your child, it’s worth checking in with yourself about how you feel about therapy. Kids are incredibly perceptive, and they’ll pick up on your emotions about the situation whether you express them directly or not.
If you’re feeling guilty about your child needing therapy, anxious about what it means, or uncertain about whether it’s the right choice, that’s completely normal. But try to work through those feelings before the conversation with your child, either by talking to friends, family, or the therapist yourself.
The goal is to approach the conversation from a place of calm confidence. You want to convey that therapy is a positive, helpful thing that lots of people do to feel better, not a last resort or something to be ashamed about.
Age-Appropriate Explanations
The way you explain therapy will depend a lot on your child’s age and developmental level, but the core message should be consistent: therapy is a place where people go to learn new skills and feel better when things are hard.
For younger children (ages 5-8), simple analogies work well. “You know how when you get a scrape, we clean it and put a bandage on it to help it heal? Well, sometimes our feelings get hurt or scared, and a therapist is like a doctor for feelings. They help us learn ways to feel better when we’re sad or worried or angry.”
For school-age children (ages 9-12), you can be a bit more specific about skills and problem-solving. “Sometimes we all have problems that feel too big to handle by ourselves. A therapist is someone who’s really good at helping kids figure out solutions to problems and learn new ways to handle tough situations. They’ve helped lots of kids who were dealing with things like nightmares, worry about school, or feeling really sad sometimes.”
For teenagers, you can be much more direct about mental health and the benefits of therapy. “Therapy is a place where you can talk openly about anything that’s bothering you with someone who’s trained to help. It’s completely confidential—they won’t tell me or anyone else what you talk about unless you’re in danger. Lots of people, including adults, go to therapy when they’re dealing with stress, anxiety, depression, or just want to understand themselves better.”
Timing the Conversation
Don’t spring the therapy conversation on your child when they’re already upset, stressed, or in the middle of a difficult moment. Choose a time when they’re relatively calm and you won’t be interrupted.
For most kids, it’s best to bring it up a few days before the first appointment rather than weeks in advance (which gives them too much time to worry) or on the day of the appointment (which can feel ambushing).
The car can actually be a great place for these conversations with older kids—there’s something about not making direct eye contact that makes difficult topics feel less intense.
What to Say (and What Not to Say)
Focus on the positive aspects of therapy and your child’s strengths. Instead of “You’re having problems and need help,” try “I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling worried/sad/angry lately, and I want to make sure you have all the tools you need to feel better. We’re going to meet with someone who’s really good at helping kids learn new ways to handle big feelings.”
Avoid making therapy sound like a punishment or consequence for behavior. Don’t say things like “If you can’t control your anger, we’ll have to take you to therapy.” This frames therapy as something negative that happens when children “fail” rather than a positive resource for building skills.
Be honest but reassuring about why you think therapy would be helpful. “I’ve noticed the nightmares have been really scary for you, and I want to find someone who can teach you some tricks for feeling safer at bedtime” is much better than vague explanations that might leave kids imagining the worst.
Addressing Common Fears
Many children have specific fears about therapy based on things they’ve seen in movies or heard from friends. It’s worth addressing these directly:
“Will the therapist tell my parents everything I say?” Explain confidentiality in age-appropriate terms. For younger children: “What you talk about with your therapist is private, just between you and them, unless you’re in danger or want to share something with me.” For older children, you can explain confidentiality more thoroughly.
“Will I have to lie on a couch and talk about my dreams?” Help them understand what modern therapy actually looks like. “You’ll probably sit in regular chairs and talk, but you might also play games, draw pictures, or do activities together. It’s different for every kid.”
“Does this mean I’m crazy?” Reassure them that therapy is for people dealing with all kinds of challenges, and that getting help is actually a sign of strength. “Lots of kids see therapists—kids who are dealing with divorce, moving to new schools, feeling worried about things, or just wanting to learn better ways to handle stress. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.”
Involving Your Child in the Process
Depending on your child’s age, consider involving them in some of the decision-making around therapy. This might mean letting them choose between morning or afternoon appointments, or asking if they have a preference about seeing a male or female therapist.
For older children and teenagers, you might even involve them in the research process. “I think it would be helpful for you to talk to a counselor about the anxiety you’ve been experiencing. Would you like to look at some therapist websites together and see if anyone seems like someone you’d be comfortable talking to?”
This approach helps children feel like they have some control over the situation rather than feeling like therapy is something being done to them.
The Day of the First Appointment
On the day of the first appointment, keep things low-key and positive. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be, but also don’t act like it’s just another errand. A simple “Today we get to meet Dr. Cole, and I think you’re going to like her” is usually sufficient.
Let your child know what to expect logistically. “We’ll drive there together, I’ll come in with you to meet her, and then you two will spend some time talking while I wait in the waiting room. After about 45 minutes, we’ll all talk together for a few minutes, and then we’ll head home.”
Bring a comfort item if your child wants one—a stuffed animal, favorite book, or small toy can help them feel more secure in a new environment.
When Kids Resist
Some children will be resistant to the idea of therapy, and that’s normal. Don’t get into power struggles or try to convince them with long explanations. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and stay firm but gentle about the plan.
“I understand you don’t want to go, and that’s okay. A lot of kids feel nervous about trying new things. We’re still going to go meet with Dr. Cole, and after you meet her, we can talk about how it felt.”
For children who are very resistant, it sometimes helps to frame the first appointment as just “meeting” the therapist rather than “starting therapy.” “We’re just going to meet her and see what she’s like. You don’t have to decide today if you want to keep seeing her.”
Supporting the Process
Once therapy starts, your job is to support the process without being intrusive. Ask general questions like “How was your time with Dr. Cole today?” rather than “What did you talk about?” Let your child share what they want to share, but don’t push for details.
Be patient with the process. Therapy often involves some ups and downs, and progress isn’t always linear. Your child might come home from sessions feeling tired, emotional, or even temporarily more upset as they work through difficult feelings.
Stay in communication with the therapist about any concerns or changes you notice at home, but respect the therapeutic relationship and your child’s privacy.
The Long-Term Message
Perhaps most importantly, use this experience to teach your child that taking care of mental health is a normal, important part of life. Normalize the idea that everyone needs support sometimes, and that getting help when you’re struggling is a smart, healthy choice.
This early experience with therapy can set the foundation for your child to seek help when they need it throughout their life, rather than viewing mental health support as a last resort or something to be ashamed of.
Ready to take this step for your child? At Anuvia, we understand that this conversation can feel daunting, and we’re here to support both you and your child through the process. Call us today at (704) 376-7447 to discuss how we can help your family. Our child and adolescent specialists are experienced in making therapy feel comfortable and non-threatening for young people, and we’re happy to talk through any concerns you have about getting started.